Kampua Talk

Warning!

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colourful words in the English language today is the word “fuck”. It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, “fuck” falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (A fucked B) and intransitive (B was fucked by A).

It can be an action verb (A really gives a fuck), a passive verb (B doesn’t really give a fuck), an adverb (B is fucking interested in A), or as a noun (B is a terrific fuck).

It can also be used as an adjective (B is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I am late for my date with B!).

It can even be used as a conjunction (B is easy, fuck she’s also stupid).

As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word “fuck”. Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

• Greetings
  “How the fuck are ya?”
• Fraud
  “I got fucked by the car dealer.”
• Resignation
  “Oh, fuck it!”
• Trouble
  “I guess I’m fucked now.”
• Aggression
  “FUCK YOU!”
• Disgust
  “Fuck me!”
• Confusion
  “What the fuck…?”
• Difficulty
  “I don’t understand this fucking business!”
• Despair
  “Fucked again…”
• Pleasure
  “I fucking couldn’t be happier.”
• Displeasure
  “What the fuck is going on here?”
• Lost
  “Where the fuck are we.”
• Disbelief
  “Un-fucking-believable!”
• Retaliation
  “Up your fucking ass!”
• Denial
  “I didn’t fucking do it.”
• Perplexity
  “I know fuck all about it.”
• Apathy
  “Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?”
• Suspiciom
  “Who the fuck are you?”
• Panic
  “Let’s get the fuck outta here.”
• Direction
  “Fuck off!”

It can be used in an anatomical description: “He’s a fucking asshole.”

It can be used to tell time: “It’s five fucking thirty.”

It can be used in business: “How did I wind up in this fucking job?”

It can be maternal: “Mother fucker!”

It can be political: “Fuck Dan Quayle!”

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history…

1. “Fuck the duck.” -Walt Disney-
2. “How the fuck did you work that out?” -Pythagoras-
3. “Any fucking idiot could understand that.” -Albert Einstein-
4. “Why? Because its fucking there!” -Edmund Hilary-
5. “Scattered fucking showers my ass.” -Noah-
6. “I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head.” -John F. Kennedy-

Sidenote:

I watched Ironman for the second time already! It is THAT good!!! Oh, and remember to sit through the credit before leaving because expect the unexpected at the very end. Hint: SHIELD (you gotta watch the movie to understand what I am saying) :D 

About a year ago, I was called last minute to join the university debate team to MMU in Cyberjaya for

Women’s IV Debating Tournament

On such short notice (I got the call the day before they departed for Cyberjaya), I went, unprepared. Every participating university sent a couple of teams and each team consists of three debaters. My team only had 2 members so someone from UiTM, Shah Alam voluntarily joined us. Her name is Fazlin.

We had 4 preliminary rounds where your team must win as many rounds as possible to enter the semi-final. Our first opposition was an experienced team. It was my first time standing in front of two teams, an adjudicator and 2 audience, presenting my speech as the second speaker, trying to convince the adjudicator that we were right and the opposition were talking crap (that’s what debate is all about). My points ran out before my time. My first speaker was nailed with the point of information (POI) from the opposition. We lost the first round.

During the second round, we were faced with a first-timer team like us. They have the style, the voice and the teamwork BUT their points didn’t support them very well. My rebutal was strong enough to the extent that there were no POIs hurled at my direction during my entire speech! Well, we won the second round!

One of the most memorable quotes in the debating history:

During her speech on the banning of homosexuality in sex education in school (2nd round),
Vivien (3rd speaker): …in sex education at school we usually not teaching about how to doing sexing activities…
Clare: *winced* [whispered to Fazlin, the first speaker] What the hell was that???
Fazlin: [whispered back] Shh…never mind. Learning…learning…*smile*
Vivien: …homosexolidy must be ban because its somettings that will confusing teenagers…
Clare: *barely alive* [whispered to Fazlin] You do the reply speech, I am having a ‘culture shock’ here…
Fazlin: Haha! Ok!
Vivien: And about de Jessie Chung and Joshua marriage, de opposites sides saids that de marriage is legal but de marriage is NOT registered!

*bang head*

Okay, basically we lost the 3rd round to a very experienced team and the topic sucked! What the hell is disarmament of nuclear weapon and what the hell has it got to do with the first world country? I mumbled my way through. 7 agonizing minutes never felt so long! I still could not think of a point for that until today.

So in the 4th round, we met the team from the second round again!

Our team and the losing team. Haha!

And again, I think we won! The motion has something to do with banning models under healthy body mass index (BMI) from the runway. We were the government. So it was quite easy for us because we got to set the parameters and all that.

What? You think this was like the secondary school debate ar? So formal and so kayu. Quoting from this dictionary and that dictionary to explain every word in the motion. So boring! *duck rotten tomatoes thrown by Cikgu Suituapui* Secondary school wan hor, if lost liao hor, the loser would say, “We’ll come back next year! Better and stronger!” So be very afraid now!

Sidenote:
Watched ‘Ironman’ on the first day of showing. *all thumbs up* You should watch it! 

…in our “First Choice World Class University” *cough * cough* choke to death*

Textbook Repeaters

• We are using textbooks from either the States or the UK most of the time. It means the books are written by the ang moh based on the political, cultural and social background of that particular country. Thus, the textbooks are sometimes difficult and confusing.
• What do you think the lecturers would do? Read from the textbooks lah, what else! Not only that, they would type everything, word by word, from the textbooks into the Power Point presentation and make it their teaching material. And they read directly from the slideshow in the class, without giving examples. Of course they try to sneak in a few lahs here and there to make it sounds like they are explaining.
• What do you think the students would do? Pening lah! No, we do not normally jot down notes because we’d get the notes (the exact slideshow) from the e-learning website anyway. Being pampered and spoonfed is fun! We don’t have to do anything.

Monotonous Bla Bla Bla

• When the subject is boring enough to make a sloth looks interesting, some lecturers just have to add sulphuric acid to injury just by being monotonous. Talking about creativity!
• They read from the long-winded slides created from the long-winded textbooks (refer to previous characteristic) using the lower-G key with no facial expression all the way.

The Killer

• I have no idea how or from where they derived the nickname from but that is exactly the nickname the students gave to certain species of lecturers. The KILLER. The word speaks for itself.
• The killer will lock the door at 10am sharp (say, if his class starts at 10am) and doesn’t entertain late-comers even if they have valid reasons. If you have a class before that and your lecturer was late in releasing you, that’s your problem. If you have a class before that but your lecturer releases you earlier and you have to walk all the way here which make you a few minutes late, next time walk faster! Or run!
• In a killer’s class, you could hear the pin drop. If he hears a whisper or merely a rustle of the paper, all hell break lose! He’ll waste half an hour lecturing about not talking when your father is talking, stuff like that.
• The killer is kiamsiap in giving marks but gives mountains of assignments for you to do as if you have nothing better to do or no other classes. No negotiations regarding the deadlines, no questions asked. You do what I told you to, or else.

The Racist

• Oh yes! We have them! Once in a while you hear a wince-inducing holler, “CINA KAT BELAKANG SANA, BUAT APA?” You can see the scorn on the faces of the students but the racist doesn’t care. Students are afraid to speak up against the lecturers, fearing that the lecturers might fail their grade.
• There was once I attended Social Science class and the remark made by the lecturer was uncalled for, “Quran adalah original dari Tuhan. Yang Kristian dengan Buddha dan yang lain-lain pakai punya Bible ke, ape ke, semua tak original punya.” I could feel my blood pressure shooting up into my brain! How could he make such an irresponsible religious remark! If only I have a camcorder with me then…

The Almighty

•  I don’t know about the other local universities but in my university, lecturers are the most powerful people. Students just shut the hell up and swallow everything the lecturers tell you, whether you like it or not. As long as you are the students and they are the lecturers, you have no say in anything.
• If you have an opinion, swallow it! The ego of the almighty is so huge that he’d actually scream at you if you utter anything that he could not rebut. The mightier-than-thou could not take criticisms. You go to his class and shut up!

The popular one

• They are friendly to everyone. Their classes are the first to be fully filled. Even those students not taking their subjects will flock their classes.
• They are generous in giving marks. As long as you do your work, submit it on time and not too much error, they will give you reasonable marks.
• During exams, they will walk past your desk and hint to you that you have used the wrong formula. You can even ask them for help if you have forgotten your formula.
• They don’t mind if you are late to class if your reason is valid enough.

The I-don’t-give-a-damn

• They don’t care if you come to class or not. They don’t care if you are late to class. They don’t care if you come to class but not listening. They don’t care if you take notes on what they lecture. They don’t care about anything so long as they come to class (never mind on time or not), give lecture for the duration allocated and collect their paycheck at the end of every month.

The Pak Lah

• They say one thing and change their minds after a few hours. Need I elaborate?
• It sucks to the max if you have done what they told you to, only to be told on the day of submission that it is not what they want!

I could write a book on the different species of lecturers we have in our universities. These are just a few common ones. There are lecturers that cannot speak English, angmoh wannabe also got, ex-convict look-alike also got, idiot ones are a lot, etc. You name it, we have it!

Those are the quality of lecturers we have. Shitty university = shitty lecturers = shitty students = shitty products! Now who wants to hire us like that???

Sidenote:

1. Oh, go do my simple poll at the right sidebar. Thanks!
2. Cindy won the Daddy’s Malaysian Dreambitchgirl. She doesn’t deserve it. No model quality AT ALL! Period!
3. I’m in KL now! AirAsia flight back to Sibu is so expensive, I’ll be stuck in KL for some time! Sigh!
4. Let us nominate our eligible bloggers into the CLEO 50 Most Eligible Bachelor for 2009. Go here!

I WILL NOT MISS…

 waking up to this every morning

The Go-cart Circuit view from my room window. UUM takes pride for being the first university to own the (under-utilized) go-cart circuit in the campus, which is not a surprise. It is there for display only, most of the time!

I WILL NOT MISS…

Having to fight my way into the bus every single time I wanted to go to class. Everything that we learnt, eg. beratur semasa menaiki bas, back in primary school evaporated at the instant the bus arrived. In this place, the toughest/strongest/fittest/fattest/person who pushes the hardest survives! Oh I hate it!!!

I WILL NOT MISS…

The factory-like library! You must wear formal attire when entering the library. No slippers, jeans, or T-shirt allowed! Long-sleeved neatly pressed shirt with a tie and polished shoes are a must! Wear a coat if possibBle! UUM takes pride in its library for God-knows-what. Being the first library to ban people wearing jeans to enter, I supposed. *shrug*

I WILL NOT MISS…

The things they built on this place and the thought of the amount of money spent to build them. This thing only looks like a fountain at 12 noon. While some other time, it looks as if it is a pond for students to dip their heads in and inhale when they are stressed. Situated, of all places, right in front of the library, this thing made it a nuisance to walk to the library as we have to walk around it to get there instead of straight towards it!

I WILL NOT MISS…

I have no idea what the hell is this. Like I’ve said earlier, this is yet another thing that they erect in the middle of nowhere and the thought of all you taxpayers’ money spent building it made me having a second thought of getting a job!

I WILL NOT MISS…

Another thing they built using your money which reminds me A LOT of assignments! This is the logo for UUM and that was what I put on the cover of every assignment that I had done. Such a waste of paper and ink, not to mention MONEY spent to print the rubbish! Damn it, I hate this place!

I WILL NOT MISS…

The giant clock that went DONG! DONG! DONG! every hour! Each DONG! represents the time, eg. DONG! DONG! = Two o’clock! It freaked the shit out of me when I first came here when it went DONG! DONG! DONG! in the middle of the night! Oh, and the hall behind the clock was where we had our final examination. That place gave me creeps! No, not paranormal kind of creeps, just that, well…I hate that place!

I WILL NOT MISS…

UUM! Not at all. You can see this sign once you enter the campus gate but I know there are a lot of lecturers smoking in the faculty toilet and nothing is done about it! And now, there are students who smoked in the toilet as well. Guru kencing berdiri, murid kencing berlari. Don’t ask me to explain what it is!

GAWD, I HATE THIS PLACE!!!

Sidenote:

I am a GRADUATE! *kissing the ground, singing praises to God* HALLELUJAH!!!

PS: Was supposed to post this on the 25th April but something happened (I got stuck, remember?) and got me tulan so I stopped halfway! 

Someone held a very sharp axe against my throat threatening to chop my head off if I don’t do this today (25th April 2008). With my fingers trembling, I typed furiously on the keyboard, trying to get this done as soon as possible (30 minutes was given) before he chops my head off!

DO YOU PREFER…

1. To watch or participate?

It depends on which situation that I am in. Some people prefer to participate in a threesome, but some people prefer not to get their ass dirty so they just watch and wank furiously! (Oi, Cocka, which wan you prefer? HAHAHHAHAHA!!!) However, I prefer none of the above, thank you very much! Eww eww eww eww eww!!! I prefer to watch 22 grown men in shorts chasing after a ball than to participate. Same goes to other sports. But can you watch and participate at the same time? I know I can. Pressing the buttons on the remote control (yes, it is a sport!) and at the same time watching sports!

2. Malls, catalog shopping, or the internet?

If you are asking about shopping, definitely going to the malls! You can be picky and fussy about the items that you are about to purchase. You can choose the best out of the many items displayed in the shop. Choosing a Transformer couldn’t be more fun if you just pick the thing from eBay or anywhere else! To date, I have 4 Leader Class Transformers toys, hand-picked from Toys ‘R’ Us! The experience and feeling is priceless! No, I am not going to let you molest touch my Transformers *sticking tongue out* Buy it yourself!

3. A bath or shower?

Both. They give different feelings though. But I normally shower. A soak in the bath tub with a good book once in a while is great!

4. To talk to people by telephone, in person, or by e-mail?

If I know that person well enough, “Come let’s go lim teh!”. If I know that person well and he/she is not physically near me, he/she is just a call away. If that person is very very far away, bumping into him/her on MSN is nice. E-mails are used only on formal matters, like complaining, writing to The Star, being informed for winning a prize, etc. My letter was published in The Star newspaper before, wei. Don’t pray pray! Nah, here’s the link! Kampua, anyone?

5. Typing or writing?

When I do my assignment, thesis, write letter, resume and blogging, I type lor. When sitting for exam, bo pian have to write lor. Same goes to filling up forms.

Now, I want to tag, whoever that reads this post! You can choose not to do it if you don’t want to, but Cikgu Suituapui must do this tag! This is an order! Muahahahahahaha!!! (Saja want to torture STP!)

And somebody please get me out of here!!!

I finished my last paper on the 26th April, which subjects me to a total freedom from being a student of this shithole university. BUT… (there is always a ‘but’ in dramatical stories)

• I am still here, doing nothing but sleep the whole day through
• Cannot get out of the shithole due to the injustice done
• Cannot get out of the shithole due to the selfishness of a certain people

I was supposed to get my thesis done and approved BEFORE my final examination even started. However, my supervisor (also a lecturer) kept delaying me for God-knows-what reasons. The excuses that he gave were so lame that even a cow’s backside sound interesting. The guy could review a chapter of 5 pages in two weeks and couldn’t finish reviewing it when he could review and comment on my other 8-page chapter in 3 days.

The most frustrating thing is no virtual correspondence is allowed. That means I have to fly all the way back from Sarawak IF he found that there is a mistake in my thesis instead of telling me that in an e-mail. That also means that I have to fly all the way back here from Sarawak IF I go back now and the verdict of the thesis is unknown, just to hear him say, “Okay, no problem. You can submit it already.” *bang head*

“No, you MUST meet me face-to-face…”
“Takut nanti apa yang saya suruh buat nanti, you buat lain pula, kalau pakai e-mail…”
“Tak boleh. Kena jumpa saya juga.”
“Habis? Bila boleh? Kalau tak datang minggu depan. Tak payah lah datang lagi.”

HELLO?!!! You are the lecturer! You are supposed to put it in such a way that I understand! Now, I doubt your qualification as a lecturer!!! You create more trouble for the students rather than assist and help them. Please use your arse to think if you don’t have a brain (which I doubt you do), you’ll think smarter that way!

Why can’t you fully utilize the technology when your university is taking pride in it and dares to brag about it internationally??? Then how did all those long distane learning graduates do their thesis? Ask them to fly all the way from Solomon Island or Timbuktu to meet you face-to-face? Idiots!!! Think realistic! NOT idealistic!

I am supposed to GRADUATE already! And why am I still stuck here in the shithole, waiting or that stupid lecturer to return from his honeymoon? By rights, he should not go anywhere until he’s done his JOB to supervise his thesis students! That’s the quality of education you’ve shown to the world! ”First Choice University”??? PTUUIHHH!!! NOW DON’T BRAG!!!

*breath in, breath out*

By rights, I should be back home in Sibu, Sarawak and savour all the kampua I want! Local universities are all crap! Anyone thinking of entering into one, DON’T even think of it! Go for private if you have the money! Get a loan or something. Just don’t choose local university to further your tertiary education. It’s not worth your intelligence!

*breath in, breath out*

Okay, better!