Kampua Talk

Sidenote:
Saw Kennysia jogging at Batu Lintang this morning. He runs weird, man!

According to some research, a person spend an average of 8 years waiting at a traffic light throughout his lifetime. Pathetic, eh? Eight-freakin’-years wasted waiting for that damned light to turn green! Those 8 wasted years can be used to do a lot of things, you know, like making money (?)

Speaking of traffic light, Sarawak has the most traffic lights in the whole world, or it seems like it. In Sibu, at a distance of about 5(?) km from town (say, Wisma Sanyan) to Lanang bridge, you have to pass through more than 10 traffic lights! You have to stop at another traffic light after you passed one right before you shift from the first to the second gear…okay, I might be exaggerating a little bit. Fine, before you shift from the second to the third gear would be more like it. Heh! While 400+km West from Sibu, Kuching is also another place that has the most traffic light. You can say there is a traffic light at almost every cross-junction in the city.

Well, instead of wasting almost a decade of your life away staring at nothing while waiting for the red light to turn green, here are some suggestions on what you can do apart from staring at nothing…

• have your breakfast if you are on your way to work. Pack some sandwich or roti kahwin before you leave home.
• listen to the radio. JJ and Rudy of Hitz.fm will entertain you throughout your journey and like they said, you might choke on your breakfast!
• brush your teeth and shave. Neh, like Mr. Bean! That will save your time in the morning and you can sleep longer
• for ladies, put on your make-up. That will also save your time in the morning so you don’t have to rush.
• No time to clean your nose? It’s okay. You can do that while waiting at the traffic light. Dig that booger, baby! Bring along some nose hair trimmer as well.
• Need some nicotine fix? Do it while waiting at the traffic light. What? The carbon monoxide is not good for you? It doesn’t matter, the cancer stick will kill you anyway, whichever comes first, so just puff away!
• Squeeze the pimples on your face.
• Read the newspaper/magazine/novel/comic.
• Make monkey face at the motorist next to you and look front before slowly turning to that motorist again with a serious face, stare at him/her innocently.
• Wind down the window and chat with your neighbour!
• Lock lips with your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend the entire stoplight cycle. But remember to snap back to normal acting mode as the light changed to green. Don’t get too sexcited until other motorists honked at you or lost your shirt at the next intersection
• Shout, curse and show that golden finger at no one in particular. Other people won’t hear you anyway but if you think people are staring, keep a straight face and stare back at them. LOL!
• If you have a golf set, get down from your car, set your golf ball on the road in front of your car, take a ‘pretend’ swing, shrug and gather your golf gear before jumping into your car. Make sure you time yourself perfectly and do all the above right before the light turns green. Well, practise make perfect.
• Ladies, do that pelvic floor exercise. No one can see you anyway.
• Play Sudoku. See if you can complete it before the light turns green.
• Reply e-mail using your phone, i.e. Blackberry.
• Even your dress.
• Draft your blog post.
• Play thumb wrestling with your passenger.
• Take picture of the guy who digs his nose in the next car to blog about.
• [insert your own]

With so many traffic lights around, your cars’ fuel consumption is 40% more (I pulled that figure out of the air, just for comparison). So you say lar, we use more fuel than the west malaysia but we pay the same price of petrol with a lower salary, ada kah patut?

Anyway, what do you normally do at the traffic light while waiting for it to turn green?