Kampua Talk

This is, perhaps, the most difficult post to write about the whole funeral thing. Emotions ran up the roof as this would be the last time I see my dad.

The waiting

We (the family) were told to be at the mortuary at 2p.m. but we were there early. Then when the mortuary attendant opened the door, everything were prepared for the 3p.m.’s ritual. I had to sign some documents for the release of my dad’s body. Later on, I was called again to identify and confirm my dad’s body before they washed and dressed him up.

Moments later, I was called again. This time I was to perform another Chinese custom of combing the hair. I was reminded again and again (by my fussy aunt) not to drip my tears onto my dad’s body when I combed his hair. I have no idea why (anyone mind to enlighten me?). Usually it is the daughter’s job to comb the deceased hair before his body was transfered into the coffin. I was instructed to comb my dad’s hair three times - once at the middle, once at the side and once at another side - all the while talking to him.

[I debated with myself whether to put the photo of me combing my dad’s hair and in the end decided not to. Some people can’t stand the sight of a dead body. So for the benefit of all, I’ll only describe the whole thing in words - and I suck at describing things!]

After combing dad’s hair three times, together with some of the guys, I had to push the stretcher from the cleaning room to the hall where they had prepared the coffin there. I had to help transfering dad’s body into the coffin. I stood by the side as the people who handled the funeral stuffed my dad’s clothes (with pockets cut off) into the side of the coffin. I don’t know what is this pantang (custom) for.

There are a list of do’s and don’ts for this as well:

• Must not drip tears onto the deceased body.
• Cannot put anything gold inside the coffin.
• Must stuff clothes tightly at the side of the coffin.
• Cannot put watch and torch light inside the coffin.
• If the deceased mouth is not closed, must put a pearl into the mouth. (They say this one is Buddhist wan, so we don’t follow. My dad’s mouth was tightly closed anyway)
•  Cannot do what again, I can’t remember at the moment because there are too many and I didn’t really bother to remember them all.

After stuffing and arranging everything inside the coffin, I was again asked to see if my dad’s head was straight.

To do that, I must look from the foot of the coffin. It looked weird but I didn’t say anything. Then some relatives or friends can also have a look. Then an auntie (family friend) said to tilt the head a bit so that it’s straight.

According to ludicrous legend, if the dead body were to slant to one side, he would tend to shower all affection on only one person, and make this person wealthy. The others at the funeral would not receive any luck at all. There would be a big gap between the favoured and unfavoured and the whole family dynamic would be thrown out of balance. Eventually, the dissatisfaction would fester and family may become enemies.

I never knew got such thing wan. Aiya, if they are so pantang then we just follow their instuction lah, no point arguing with them! Anyway, after everything was done, the priest blessed the body and we said some prayers. Then everyone started to scatter some fresh flowers onto my dad’s body, starting from my mom.

I cooked this idea up and am glad that I did. It was a really touching moment when everyone paid their last respect to dad by placing some flowers onto dad’s chest. I couldn’t hold back my tears as I scattered the leftover at the end of the process. With that, they sealed the first layer of the coffin - the glass layer.

With my mom and brother, we had the final look at dad before they sealed the cover of the coffin. I was choking with tears at that time. We were then pulled away from the coffin before they sealed it.

We were not allowed to watch when they closed the cover. Some pantang thing I couldn’t comprehend again. What’s wrong with watching? We’re not going to see him again forever, so watching him a few seconds more to remember him also cannot hia? I know lah, scared he’ll bring us to ‘go’ with him, right? Hmph! So many pantang for what? Make yourself miserable nia!

*deep breath*

After that, people started to leave. We left after them. We didn’t bring the coffin home, we left it where it was until we came back the next morning to get it for the funeral mass at church.