Kampua Talk

WARNING!

If you are Sibu-lang/-nerng, born or bred, give yourself a pat on the back, you earn your first point. On top of that, if you scrol down to actually DO the quiz, you earn yourself an extra 5 points. However, if you are Sibu lang and do not want to do the quiz but you scrolled down nonetheless, 3 points go to your curiosity. OK, without much ado, let the party begins!

1. Where is Sibu located?
   A. I don’t know. I am not from Sibu. (-5 point)
   B. In Sarawak. In between Kuching and Bintulu. Near Sarikei. (2 points - too educated answer)
   C. Haiya! I dunno how to say lah! You go to Air Asia website, book a flight to Sibu then confirm you will reach Sibu wan. Then you know already where Sibu is lor. (3 points)
   D. Neh, that place got a lot of Foochow people wan. (5 points)
2. Do you know what “Sibu” means?
   A. Yes. (0 point)
   B. No. (3 point)
   C. I am not sure. (2 point)
3. What is Sibu famous for?
   A. KAMPUA! Nothing is more authentic than to have it here in Sibu. (10 points)
   B. Foochow people. They are unique people. (5 points)
   C. Kompia! You don’t get this anywhere else in the world that is as authentic as the ones here. (1 point)
   D. Parkson/Sanyan. Oh, the tallest building in Sarawak! Kuching also don’t have! (5 points)
   E. Paikia/Gangster (3 points)
   F. Pirated DVD (3 points)
   G. All of the above. (30 points!)
4. How much is a plate of Kampua?
   A. RM2.20 (1 point)
   B. RM2.00 (1 point)
   C. It depends on whether you want your Kampua to have char sio bak or bian sit lor. Or some people want their Kampua plain without char sio or bian sit wan, then cheaper lor. Also depends on which kopitiam you go lor. But hor the best Kampua Mee is…..but you can also try the Kampua at this place…bla bla bla *on and on for the next 15minutes to list down the food in Sibu* (15 points)
5. What is Kampua?
   A. Unhealthy, oily and fattening noodles. (-5 points)
   B. The best noodle in the world! (5 points)
   C. What the F#$%!!? You don’t know what is Kampua? You shouldn’t be born! (10 points)
   D. Neh, like kolo mee lor. (-10 points)
6. It’s weekend. What do you normally do?
   A. Tidor! (1 point)
   B. Watch movie! I just bought pirated DVD last night. (3 point)
   C. Go lepak/shopping at Parkson/Sanyan. (5 point)
   D. Watch Astro. (3 point)
7. You are driving on the fast lane at 40 kmph. A car comes up behind you and signals you to move to the other lane so that it can past. What would you do?
   A. Signal and move to the left lane. (-5 points)
   B. WHAT HIGHLIGHT HIGHLIGHT?!!! SIAO AH!!! YOU WANT TO PAST YOU OVERTAKE ME LAR!! THE LEFT LANE IS CLEAR MAR! NGONG NGIANG!!! And then pretend not to see the signal and continue driving at 40 kmph. (20 points)
   C. Speed up. Wanna race ar? Lai lah! Kia lu meh??? (15 points)
8. You think modified Waja, Iswara, Wira, Kenari, Gen2, Kancil, Kelisa is:
   A. Very COOL!!! Like Lancer Evo like that! Change the rims will give my car sporty look, never mind if made in China. The headlights change to blue, green or yellow, the more blinding the better. Put spoiler, can fly man! Modify the exhaust to sound like Porche! Put skirt, bumper, tint the windscreen and put neon lights all over the car. Cheap but look like sport car as a result. Summore hor, the physical appearance like that will give the car an additional 1000 of horse power. (30 points)
   B. KANASAI! (0 point)
   C. Piece of rubbish! Waste so much money for what? Better use the money to buy a better car that no need much modification to look like a Lancer Evo, like a REAL Lancer Evo. Oh wait! The owner cannot afford it! Wakakakaka!!! (-5 points)
9. How many language can you understand?
   A. 3 - Mandarin, English, BM (3 point)
   B. 7 - Mandarin, English, BM, Foochow, Hokkien, Hakka, Iban (7 point)
   C. 5 - Mandarin, English, Foochow, Hokkien, Broken BM (8 point)
10. Read a sentence in English.
    A. The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain. (2 points - must be English-educated wan)
    B. Der rang ing Spank fo manglee ing der plang. (10 points - very Foochow English. The best!)
    C. Der rains in Spains falls mainsly in the plains. (9 points - must be Chinese-educated wan, if go for tuition with Cikgu Suituapui he’ll holler a “MIND YOUR ASS-SES!!!” )
11. What is your hobby?
    A. Watch TV (3 points)
    B. DOTA (10 points)
    C. Sports (0 point)
    D. Eating (2 points)
    E. Blogging (-2 points - siak pa jing eng!)
    F. Study (5 points - must get as many As as possibBle to impress my parents!)
12. Are you a virgin?
    A. Yes (10 points)
    B. No (-10 points)
13. What is the most daring feat done by the students?
    A. Sleep in class while the teacher is teaching. (-5 points - everyone done that already)
    B. Challenge the prefects and fight with them in school! (20 points)
    C. Bring condom to school. (5 points)
    D. Score 30 As in exams, school and public! (10 points - for being kiasu)
    E. Play firecrackers in school to trigger the prefects to come running like mad dog! So stupid wan, people already burnt off all the firecrackers liao! Wakakakaka! (30 points)
14. You are driving on the straight road. A car comes out from your left without warning and you almost knock into it. What would you do?
    A. HONK for dear life! (10 points)
    B. Emergency brake and HONK for dear life! Show middle finger if the driver is looking. (20 points - for showing common courtesy)
    C. Emergency brake and let him past. (-2 points)
15. What do you think of the swan statue at the Sibu Gateway?
    A. Symbol of Sibu town turning from an ugly duckling into the swan. (0 point)
    B. Decoration only. (1 point)
    C. Waste of our money. (5 points)
    D. For people to take pictures wan. (8 points)
16. Are you a chao ah beng/lian?
    A. Yes. (8 points)
    B. Lu kong ha mik?! Chao ah beng/lian is only mentioned by uneducated people okay! You call me chao ah beng/lian, I ask my pai kia frens to beat you up, then you know! (10 points - In short, the answer is “No” but is in denial)
17. What do you think of watching movies in the cinema?
    A. Sibu people love watching movies in the cinema. See the Star Cineplex and King’s Theater are always full wan! (-10 points <– in denial)
    B. What cinema? Oh, you mean the small, cramp, noisy, dirty rooms filled with chairs hia? And when the person in front of you is taller, you cannot even see half of the screen wan. And hor, the movie sound from the next room could be heard. Summore, people here don’t know when to laugh wan, so stupid. They don’t laugh when it is really funny. Liak bo kiu (catch no ball) I think! (8 points)
    C. What cinema? Pirated DVD better lah! RM5 only per DVD, whole family also can watch as many times as you want. (10 points)
18. What do you think of the horse fountain at the Sibu Townsquare?
    A. A beautiful fountain. (1 point)
    B. My wishing well. I can throw coins in there and my wish will come true. (15 points - additional 5 points if the fountain jams)
    C. Don’t know. (2 point)
19. Your reaction when you see hot girls in mini skirt and spaghetti strap tops:
    A. PHEEWIITTT!!! (2 points)
    B. Okay only. I’m gay! (0 point)
    C. SIAO wan! So short for what? Hiao kao ai si!!! Marder never teach wan! (10 points)
20. What is the first thing that crosses your mind after finishing this quiz?
    A. So farnee! LOL! (1 point)
    B. So true! Sibu people memang like that wan! (2 points)
    C. WHADAFARK!?!!! YOU THINK YOU ARE SMART IS IT, BITCH!!! YOU THINK YOUR ENGLISH SO GOOD IS IT?!! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR MOTHER TONGUE! SHAME ON YOU!!! WHO ARE YOU TO SAY SIBU PEOPLE LIKE THAT?!! DON’T LET ME SEE YOU, BITCH! OR ELSE I ASK MY PAI KIA FRENS GO AND BURN YOUR HOUSE, THEN YOU KNOW!!! CHEEEEBYEEE!!! SAN NI NEH KU YONG!!! (50 points! - Truly Sibulang!)

Add the points up and compare with each other to see how Sibu-lang/nerng are you! Have fun!

WHAT?!! BEH SONG IS IT?! SAY THE TRUTH OSO WRONG KAH?!!! TA MA DE!!! I ASK MY CHAO AH BENG PAI KIA FRENS COME BASH YOU UP, BURN YOUR HOUSE, BURN YOUR CAR, RAPE YOUR DOG, THEN YOU KNOW!!!