Kampua Talk

With the “Dong Dong Dong Chiang” filling the air everywhere I go everyday, it means that Chinese New Year is around the corner. Even the radio stations are playing the dong dong chiang songs from time to time.

The other night, I went to a supermarket, Everwin, with my mother. The place was packed with shoppers of all sizes and ages. Of course there was Dong Dong Chiang blasting through the speakers. Being the known kiasu, shoppers filled up their shopping carts with all kinds of junk food Chinese New Year tidbits and boxes of mandarin oranges and soft drinks were bought as if they were buying vegetables at the wet market. The queue at the cashiers were unimaginable.

Speaking of kiasu, kiasu people do not own cars-bigger-than-yours or houses-bigger-than-yours or the typical my-son/daughter-is-cleverer-than-yours anymore. Youngsters picked up the trend from their parents and modified it to suit their generation. The other day, while waiting in line for my turn to check-in at the check-in counter in LCCT, I realized that a new trend of kiasuism is spreading like a pandemic among the young generation these days.

New Trend of Kiasuism #1:
I talk louder than you so you must listen to me whether you like it or not!

“WHY THIS QUEUE SO LONG WAN? BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU BOUGHT YOUR CHINESE NEW YEAR CLOTHES YET? YOU KNOW OR NOT, … yadda yadda yadda…”

The guy was talking to his friend so loudly that the entire airport was forced to listen to his conversation. This trend is also applicable to those who love to yell into their mobile phones when talking, forcing people around them to listen to their conversation.

New Trend of Kiasuism #2:
I bought my Chinese New Year clothes earlier than you

Girl 1: Chinese New Year is coming!
Girl 2: Yeah! So fast hor?
Girl 1: Yalor! Have you bought your Chinese New Year clothes yet?
Girl 2: Already! Bought them before Christmas. You?
Girl 1: Already too! Bought them right after Halloween.

The girls were queuing behind me, oblivious to their surroundings as they chatted too loudly. I almost burst out laughing right there and then. This trend can be easily recognized among youngsters, especially those in the late teens. If buying clothes earlier than you is something to be proud of, wait till you hear them brag about the price of the clothes that they bought. For all you know, they bought them from the same place, Petaling Street!

New Trend of Kiasuism #3:
My laptop has more hard disk space than yours

Boy 1: How big is your hard disk drive?
Boy 2: About 80Gb lor. You?
Boy 1: 160 Gb and it is almost full.
Boy 2: What you store?
Boy 1: Games lor. Some movies and dramas lor.
Boy 2: Why don’t you clear some of the files that you don’t want anymore?
Boy 1: Nah, I’m getting another hard disk drive with bigger space.

This trend is easily noticed among the guys (and some girls too) who know their technology. The bigger the space they have in their hard disk drive, the bigger their balls are because it means they have more knowledge in computers than anyone else. For all you know, most of the space in the hard disk drive is used to store porn.

New Trend of Kiasuism #4:
My handphone rings louder than yours

*Handphone ringing loudly with the latest hits*
Friend: Wah! New song!
Owner: Yeah! I downloaded it ages ago, thinking of changing the song liao.
Friend: Cool! After you do that, I’ll get (the songs) from you.
Owner: No need lah! So easy to download only. What you have to do is….

The owner of the handphone that rang so loudly, that I thought it was the fire alarm, was showing off to his friend in a loud voice. It deafened my ears because I was within earshot. This trend can be seen more obviously among the teenagers who cannot keep their fingers off their handphones.

New Trend of Kiasuism #5:
My haircut is more expensive than yours

Guy A: Where you cut your hair?
Guy B: [mentioned some salon]
Guy A: Oh, there! I don’t go there anymore. Not good.
Guy B: Why? I like my haircut what.
Guy A: Nah, cheap place! Now I go *mentions some salon*, so nice the haircut they do.
Guy B: (looks at Guy A’s hair) Hmmm…How much ler?
Guy A: Expensive, I tell you! I don’t think you will go there after I tell you the price-RMXXX!!!

I immediately spun around to have a good look at the guy and almost dropped to the floor laughing my arse off! That chao ah beng’s hairstyle can be done in any tambi BARBER and he bragged about the three-digit amount that he spent on his hair. This trend can be spotted from miles away, applicable to both male and female, with their loud and exaggerated sense of wardrobe malfunction. These people will spend a couple of hundreds of bucks just to mess up their hair (and wear shabby clothes) and they call it fashion. I call them “RM500-hairstyle on a 5-sen face!”

New Trend of Kiasuism #6 (that never failed to make my day):
My PC/laptop kena (being infected by) more virus than yours

Guy 1: My PC kena virus the other day.
Guy 2: Really? Mine also.
Guy 1: I kena about 150 of that virus
Guy 2: 150 only! I kena 500!!! And I don’t even want to reformat my laptop.

Both guys were standing 3 meters away from me and they were the same guys from situation #1, and hence the overheard conversation. This trend is often heard everywhere at anytime for there is no time constraint to boast about the virus in your computer/laptop. Best used when there is nothing else to brag about anymore.

These new trend of kiasuism was spotted within 30 minutes when I was in the queue. Oh, you know when you are almost home when you hear people speaking the oh-so-familiar hometown dialect, in this case Foochow, at the check-in counter all the way to departure gate and into the plane. And kiasuism IS a trend, everywhere!